lashingoutloud

This one is a short one (and hopefully a placeholder for more) to remind people that the site still exists. Lashingoutloud sent me these a while back and agreed that I could post just these responses until she was done with the rest.

1. brother

All of my friends had brothers who would protect them. I had a brother whose maturity level I passed at seven.

2. "But for now we are young/Let us lay in the sun/And count every beautiful thing we can see" - "In an Aeroplane Over the Sea", Neutral Milk Hotel

I had a boy in my life who could play this song on the guitar. I was drunk and he was drunk, and we sat on an air mattress drunk and giggling in his roommate's bedroom and I tried to remember the lyrics while he strummed an out-of-tune guitar. It was one of those "so imperfect that it was perfect" moments. We were young. It was beautiful. I count it.

3. high school

I was called a lot of things in high school. Fat, ugly, fat, fat, fat, ugly. Maybe I was just called a few things a lot of times. This is why I’m as frustrating as I am. I look in a mirror and see “ugly fat ugly fat.” I date a boy and assume he sees “ugly fat ugly fat.” I’m insecure and it is an indirect result of high school. I sat alone at lunch. I spent my freshman year of high school never eating in front of anyone and then going home to indulge in Smartfood and Cheetos. Eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Not until the end of high school did I give a shit about my body – and that was a direct result to what people were saying. I stopped eating 2 family sized bags of Doritos a day – I walked a little more and napped a little less. I made friends (some of whom I still have today). This is all because of my insecurities. I was too insecure to be alone anymore.